Silkroad Online Forums

1)One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, ‘How much for one of those Barbie’s in the display window?’

The salesperson answers, ‘Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95’.

The amazed father asks: ‘It’s what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?’

The annoyed salesperson roll s her eyes, sighs, and answers: ‘Sir…, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer, one of Ken’s Fr iends, and a key chain made with Ken’s balls.
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2) Top 20 Things You Don’t Want To Hear During Surgery
1. Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.

2. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness”

3. Hand me that…uh…that uh…thingie.

4. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

5. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

6. There go the lights again…

7. “Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys…and this guy’s got two of ‘em.”

8. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

9. Could you stop that thing from beating, it’s throwing my concentration off.

10. Sterile, schmerile. The floor’s clean, right?

11. What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change?

12. This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

13. Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

14. What do you mean “You want a divorce!”

15. Fire! Fire! Everyone get out.

16. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing.

17. Oh, look everyone. It’s lunch time.

18. The foot bone’s connected to the, leg bone…

19. That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

20. Hey, if you pull on this it makes a funny noise.
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3) Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, “Vietnam, 1969.” The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, “Dog shit, 20 feet back.”
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4)Bunny was talking with another bunny….. B1: Hey, do you know, what happened to me yesterday? B2: Tell me, tell me ! B1: Yesterday at night i was walking in the forest, and i meeted fox, and she invited me in her house.. And she stretch on the bed and she widen her legs and she told me: Bunny take what you like at most..! B2: Yes and..? And what have you did.. Tell me buddy!? B1:I looked around the room and i saw an Ipod , took it, said thank you and i leave. B2: (Put his arm on his head): “Oh my God, buddy, you are such a retard! B1:I know…. If I were stronger like you, I could take the TV.
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5)One day a teacher is talking to her 2nd grade class about how Jonah couldn’t possibly have survived inside a fish.

A little girl raises her hand, “Teacher, don’t worry. When I get to heaven I’ll ask him if he was in a fish for you”

The teacher looks stunned.

“And how do you know that he’ll be in heaven,” Asked the teacher, “What if he’s in hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you can ask him.”
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6)A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!”

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”
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i will add more later =)

1st and 3rd jeje

lollololllolllololoooollooolololololl

random bashing of the keys "L" and "O".

lol.

the barbie onewas good

did u write these or did u find these, they are pretty good lololol

no i find them, i wish i can write them lol
and i added 3 more

My cousin sent me a bunch, I grinned at all of em

Canadian Jokes
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JOKE # 1

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, 'Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona .' The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, 'I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King OfBeers' a Budweiser.' The bartender gives him one..

The guy from Coors says, 'I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.' He gets it.

The guy from Molson Canadian sits down and says, 'Give me a Coke.' The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, 'Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?'

The Molson Canadian president replies, 'Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I.'

CANADIAN JOKE #2

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, 'Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?'

'I got it for my wife, eh.' answers Bob.

'Oh!' exclaims Doug, 'Good trade.'

CANADIAN JOKE #3

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and asked, 'Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?'

'Sure it's easy.' replied the neurosurgeon. 'All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie..'

He was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain.

He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him 'I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain.'

The patient replied 'Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?'

CANADIAN JOKE #4

Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia ?

The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.

CANADIAN JOKE #5

In Canada , we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.

CANADIAN JOKE #6

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, 'SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!'

CANADIAN JOKE #7

A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.

'Black pepper, or white pepper?' asked the concierge.

'Toilette pepper!' yelled the Quebecer.

CANADIAN JOKE #8

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

'Well,' said the American, 'I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here'

'That's amazing!' said the one of the doctors, 'But what happened to the other two?'

'Last I saw them,' replied the American, 'the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his.'
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Black Hurricanes
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Black hurricanes....

Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else
to be pissed about. A black congresswoman, from Florida, has complained that
the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names.

She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as
Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. I am NOT making this up!

She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in Language that
street people can understand because one of the problems that happened in
New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of
the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report.
What a crock of shit !!

I can hear it now: A weatherman in Miami and Tampa says...

Wazzup, mutha-.....! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy
on a crotch rocket!
Bitch be a category fo'! So grab yo' chirren, yo'
Ho, be leavin yo crib, and head fo' da nearest
guv'ment office fo yo FREE shit!
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"The Journey can be as satisfying as reaching the goal"
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What a way to start the day!

There I was on my way to Wal-Mart... getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind ... wasn't even on the horizon .... I was in a great mood ... and then ... I rear-ended a car.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car .... and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it .... he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I look down at him and said, "Well, which one are you then?"............. and that's when the fight started .. .

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Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2008
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John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!' That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night. 'She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast? 'John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'
'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary. 'She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'