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I've never experienced any type of tremendous loss in my family before. My grandma died when I was 7, and she was in China; I knew her and I used to live with her, but it didn't really affect me cause I was so young. One of my uncles in China was murdered shortly after I came back from visiting them, but I only saw him once during my time there; so that didn't move me that much either.

My first cousin whom I'm pretty close with just told me she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She said she's doing well and that she's bald as fuck. I don't know what to say or how to react. What should I expect? I don't want to constantly remind her that she has cancer or patronize her or anything
I want to treat her as if she doesn't have cancer, but I have so many questions that I don't want to ask :\

My brother has faced a lot of tragedy during his lifetime and, whilst not the exact same situation as yours, has caused a lot of grief for our family. I will do my best to share how I coped through it all, how he dealt with it and hopefully you can gain some insight from it.

My brother is 6 year older than I am. When he was 13, he was in my dad's bosses workshop. He was messing around a bit and triggered a fuse which set off a small explosive which nearly killed him. Shrapnel was blasted into his chest, into his lungs and barely missed his heart. He spent over a year in hospital, hadto have multiple operations to remove the shrapnel and has a lot of physical scars from it all. They told him he'd never play sport again and would struggle to even exercise. To this day he plays in my cricket team and plays AFL every year.

When he was 16, after we finally dealt with what happened previously, there was another incident. During his school holidays (he was in his final year of high school) he was working at the same place I work now; the Sawmill. He was operating a firewood sawing machine and his glove got caught, pulled his arm into the machine and ripped all the flesh off his arm up until his elbow. He managed to hit the emergency stop, but due to the machine being completely isolated in the Sawmill he was stuck there for an hour before anyone saw him. He nearly bled to death at the scene. He was in the hospital for another 6 months, had years of physical therapy, missed his high school graduation and had to get a full arm flesh graft on his arm. They told him he'd never move his arm above shoulder height and would never gain full movement in it again. He still plays sport with full functionality and works in a coal mine, doing one of the most physically demanding jobs a person can do.

It was hard for us when it all happened. At first we didn't know what to think and we spent a lot of time in the hospital trying to support him. But my brother is tough, a hell of a lot tougher then I will ever be. He hated it when we saw his accidents as a sign of weakness. He made us be tough on him and it powered him to defy the doctors predictions and work hard on regaining full body control. We learned to treat him as the same person as he use to be and never gave him an easy time. After a while we even gave him a nickname: Devon Arm. After his flesh graft his arm did, and still does, look like a roll of devon. The name made him laugh and knowing that we weren't looking down on him made him happy. We never harped on what happened and always focused on moving forward, not backwards.

My main bit of advice is try to act natural and normal. When your not well the last thing you want is people reminding you of this. Be strong, help her through it all and try to be a good friend like you have always been. Whenever she asks for some comfort and support, though, always be there to provide it.

I hope your cousin is dealing with it all and I truly hope she is able to overcome it.

Read your PMs, amigo.

My mother has cancer for a year now and I still dont know how to deal with it, but most ppl call to ask about that, she can never forget about it so I usually try and make her think of other things then her desease.

If it's questions you have, they can probably be answered by most strangers (unless extremely personal). Try an AMA request on r/IAmA. maybe you can find someone there who wouldn't mind talking about it. This way you'll know what you need to, without making her think about bad stuff :/

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer just over a year ago. It was a rough start to 2012 and on top of that my best friend was killed in a road accident. Yet I kept my head up and continued to look at life on the positive side (although slim). Just try to be there for her emotionally and physically. I don't know how close you are to her, but she will need all the help she can. My mother was very lucky, she didn't have any chemotherapy so there was no hair loss. Yet she is still weak from the radiotherapy. It's a tough hit mate, just be strong, and don't show any sign of weakness, and comfort her.

Lache pas, sa va aller mieux tu vas voire.

Well, people react differently to upsetting news, such as (shock, disbelief and even anger) when they're first given the news.
But keep in mind that there is NO "right way" for you to feel.
One of the best ways for families to deal with their feelings is to share them with each other.

Anyway... Sometimes there really isn't anything that can be said that will really help. But Just being supportive and listening shows you care.

Like everyone said, just act normal around her. Sure there will be the elephant in the room, but ignore it the best you can and live a normal day to day life with her.

Also, have her smoke weed.

Thanks for the kind words guys, insightful stuff. I appreciate the PM inky
She's only 30 this year, I have good hopes that she'll make it through. She's my aunt/uncle's only daughter it just breaks my heart to even think of what they're going through.

time to gather the dragonballs bro

Let her know you appreciate her briefly and try to have fun together in any way you can, that's it. When I thought I was in for cancer I spent a great deal of time telling my parents it was ok, I don't think that was ideal.

i know that i wouldnt mind being asked about it... some people are different but id like to educate people about the situation, if you want to know how you should feel you need to be educated about whatever it is you dont know or are scared about.

Eh.. wut?

better? i know when a friend had cancer i was very scared for her life but after reading up on things and asking her the tough questions it turned out she had a good chance getting though it both mentally or physically. its better to understand what someone is going through to get an idea of how they and others feel about it.

Oh... that's slightly better lulz

Anyway... you can't be educated "How you should feel"

i cant tell if you are trolling...
if you are educated in religion that doesnt make you religious, its the same thing. if you understand all the questions then you will know how you feel a lot better then if you are second guessing at things

What the hell are you talking about?
You can get available information and facts about diseases etc.. Well, of course you'll understand
better what's happening. But still... you can't learn how to react or feel in this issue.

well i was trying to write some more examples but then i realised you were just trolling so im not going to explain that you are interpreting it wrong.

Oh lulzy lulz! ^
Well, go ahead and post your examples...

this thread isnt about how stupid you are, its about giving advise. if you want to educate yourself you can pm me where i will personally educate you.

I see you've talking to yourself.^ Well, "Please, educate yourself"
Maybe then... you'll understand.

Thanks again for thoughtful posts, requesting lock now.